|The most frequent questions asked of Astrologers are concerning love and relationships:
" Is this person right for me?"
"Will I ever find my soulmate?"
"When will I get married?"
"What has happened with our relationship?"
"Does he/she really love me?"
It is very important for an Astrologer to understand how to counsel clients in the illusive subject of love and
relationships. What can an Astrologer do to better the skills needed for this awesome task?
First, one looks at the charts one at a time to find out how each person, alone, deals with relationships.
Next, we do what is called synastry between the two charts. I put the two charts together on a bi-wheel to see
the interplay between the planets. I also erect a graph of the planets involved which KEPLER software
provides. Finally and more esoterically, the composite chart may be erected for more subtle information. This,
too, is provided by Kepler.
When looking at a birth chart concerning relationships, one looks to the 7th house and its ruler as well as any
planet in the house and what Sign and House it rules. Any aspects between these planets can be noted.
Next we look to Venus and Mars to see how we express our love, romance, affectionate and sexual natures as
well as what our feminine or masculine ideal may be (subconsciously or consciously). This is important
because a woman may want a "king," (which may be fulfilled by a Leo) but the one she's with may have the
nature of poet-soul Pisces and not satisfy her at all after the first bloom of romance has faded. The archetype
of the "king" in a woman's chart with Mars in Leo presents a man who walks in a room and everyone notices!
He lights up the room. He's important, generous, respected, friendly, fun, and knows everyone in the room by
name or soon will. She feels important and respected just being with him.
The archetype of the "queen" in a man's chart with Venus in Leo presents a woman in the latest fashion,
fantastic figure, not a hair out of place, makes all the other women envious and the men jealous of her escort.
He knows he's important by having this dish on his arm and he deserves it! If you have Venus in Taurus (or
Taurus Sun), for instance, and are trying to snag a man with Venus in Leo, you'd better be careful of your heart
unless you're a very good actress and can play the role of "Queen" to the hilt. Then again, why not look for a
man with Venus in Taurus and make it easy on yourself? WANTED: MAN WITH VENUS IN TAURUS!
The book that I've been reading lately is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. You can buy the book
at Amazon. I did! In it Mr. Chapman says that there are five love languages:
1. Words of affirmation. 2. Quality Time. 3. Receiving Gifts. 4. Acts of Service. 5. Physical Touch
Of course, I usually relate most things to Astrology and I couldn't help but do that with these five ideas. They
work so well with it.
What are your needs? Can you identify them out of the five? Some people will say that they need ALL five of
them, but what is the main way you express love and what is the main way you need love expressed? There is
a difference and by looking at one's birth chart, we can get some inkling of what a person gives and what they
want/need to receive.
For instance, if a person has Venus in the 3rd house, one would most certainly need words of affirmation
(praise & affection). The same might be said if one had Libra or Taurus Sun or Moon or on the 7th house
cusp. The aspects to Venus, Mars, Sun, or Moon will show if one probably will receive the love language
needed. If either are in hard aspect to Saturn, probably NOT. So, how do you counsel someone who needs
words of affirmation who is married to someone who doesn't need them or give them?
It has already been established that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Not in that book, but I
understand that the basic needs of men are straightforward and simple; food, sex, and clean underwear.
Sometimes it could be sex, food, and clean underwear. Less often clean underwear, sex, and food.
Men count going to work every day as #4 Acts of Service that show their love. #5 Physical Touch comes in
second because after all that work and football, there are only so many minutes left in the day to fool around.
I may sound rough on our menfolk, but women, God bless us, have other needs from our men. We'd better
learn to love football, baseball, and all the news commentators on TV because that is most of the QUALITY
TIME we're going to get except for the few minutes of fooling around. We were raised on fairy tales and
Cinderella was usually our favorite; Prince Charming will surely come and save us if we're good and sweet!
Some of us actually believed that <my hand is raised!>. Reality is more like The Frog Prince. The young frogs come
after us, wear us down with their pleading, and we finally cave and do what they want. They turn into MEN
and that's who we're stuck with; there is NO PRINCE!
I'm kidding a bit, but these are some complaints that are common to women. Men, in general, seem to be
stingy with Words of affirmation and Quality time. How do you counsel someone who needs words of
affirmation who is married to someone who doesn't give them?
You listen. You talk about the charts together. You suggest the two books mentioned above. You listen some
more. You ignore the game of "yes, but." You point out that one of the ways to change a situation is to start
by changing oneself or one's attitude. Ask your client if she knows what her mate's needs are concerning the
Five Languages. Suggest that she try to strongly use that language for a month and see what happens (the
book has many suggestions like that). You might suggest the game of "Let's Pretend". You say, "Let's pretend
that you DO know the answer." When she says, "OK," you ask, " What is it?" Let her talk.
If none of this gives your client inspiration, have the names of some licensed therapists in their area on hand
so the client can get help. There is only so much an Astrologer can say. Fixing the world is only a fairy tale!